Monday, May 7, 2012

Memories make my heart smile

I haven't written in awhile... I've had a rough couple of weeks, and I really want to keep my blog as a positive fun way to keep memories alive for the future. All the things I had to write about for these last couple weeks haven't been pleasant or happy so I've taken a break from writing on here until now. I am ready to smile. I am ready to be happy despite all the sadness and busyness.

In my last post, I told of the loss of my great aunt. Sadness came over me by having to type those words. It made it feel real when I didn't want it to be. Then just two days later I found out a friend from high school was in a terrible motorcycle wreck and passed away the next day. I have maybe only seen him once or twice since high school because as you all know time passes, life moves on, and people don't see each other as much. Even though we weren't really friends anymore, it doesn't mean I wasn't effected by his death. I am overcome with grief by his leaving of this Earth. He was so young--I'm so young. Too young to leave his family. He had a baby girl on the way--so hard for me to come to terms with this all. Then a couple days after the news of his death, I learned that my grandpa (not the one who has been sick) was having surgery and would spend some time in the hospital *he's doing better now.

It seems like everywhere I have turned for the last couple weeks all I wanted to do was cry, but most times I was too stunned by what was going on that no tears would form. Then, this past Friday, we had my Aunt Wanda's funeral. It was simple and beautiful and just what she wanted. My pawpaw did a wonderful job of helping us remember what a great woman she was. It made me smile to think of her. Then, my mom-o (that's what we call my dad's mom--long story) spoke of my aunt. As she began to remember her, I couldn't help but cry. I was surrounded by the people that loved her most, and all I could think of how much my grandma would miss her aunt--not just because she helped take care of her in the end, but because they were so very close. They were close like sisters, and so much fun to be around together. It always seemed like my Aunt Wanda brought out the fun in all of us. As tears began to flow down my cheeks for one of the first times since her death, I could not make them stop. My daddy hugged me, and that just made me cry harder. I sure do miss that woman so much already.

I laugh now because I promised in the beginning of this post that I was finally ready to not be a "debbie downer" with this post. I guess I was not. Just trying to find the way to remember without being so sad. Thanks for letting me pour my heart out once again. :-)


  1. Pouring out your heart does not make you a debbie downer! Life has its tough times and it is OK to be real and write about those as well. One day you will read back over this with fond memories and thankfulness that you recorded the tears.